choices and options

Hey its about time for reading. Basically life just get better well supposedly it is. And that's where the fun parts arrive. First of all i am forever thankful for all the friends that lasted with me. All . not to forget to the ones who are selfish real selfish and the real ones.

But i still stick to them. no particular reasons just that im the type. Well i should step up and stop the efforts to really see how thing goes by in life.

 What really matters when you are alone is either friends or survival. If you have no true friends then learn to survive. Well i resort to survival. That is how i have been raised  so im a fighter. If i lose friends, to hell i will gain new friends later. Which im very confident of it. Sometimes  im tired of doing the same thing over and over, consulting, soothing and whatever but it didnt worth the time. These peoples just break me.

But im a easily forgiven person . I am. It is true, that is my real weakness. People screw me over the same things here i am at the door embracing the apologies. Because for me saying sorry is pure. But once it reaches the part when i said, ' Pegi mampus, i dont want to know anymore' . That is when i will cut off everything, contacts,relationships and all. I will frickin' do that for sure if i say so. Because so far i did that. 

There is a lot to believe in right now. Reality , idealism, fantasy the truth the pain. since im a very determined person, i calculate each step at least every night before i go to sleep. i have this vision of my life, my future relationships , whats the worst could happen so that i will be prepared. Not that im not being fair or somebody even said im too insecure but im preparing myself sebelum jatuh dalam lubang dalam lepas tu tak boleh nak naik balik.. Because if i love somebody i love them unconditionally which later they give me pain and sadness.
Tired as i have been there so many times.

Just hate that im being  a matter of choice like you want me because you have no others or maybe you are force to since there is no one's left but me. An option. Which definitely not the best term to describe your company. Then to be treated as same as others . nobody wants that. Even you, yourself right? How if i treat my loved ones the same as i treats my buddies my guys. See, im distinguishing peoples who comes onto my life, who i took extra care, who needs more attention who needs love who are friends and im certainly aware of that. I didnt treat them the same, i address them differently. 

So , if you are just gonna treat me fucking the same as others whilst you are claiming im special, well words are just words. I dont fucking believe in words anymore. You say want you want then i do what i want. Because actions are good.
To hell with words.

Discretely im giving my full efforts till i find there is no more to fight , no room for improvements, i will walk away. Well i dont believe in second chance but i give in anyway. So , the third one is a definite goodbye. Efforts should worth my time. But according to a friend i will forever forgiving the peoples i love which i know i will never change.
I need to change.

So, if the person dont accommodate you, tell the person the truth. If they didnt bulge or at least trying give some time to them  but only  to the part that i can still have my patience. If they are burden for you why should you lift them ? * my elder sis said to me* and saya percaya if the somebody loves you they will put you as their first in everything, tasks, posts, thought, just like i do, And if they are not doing the same thing like you did then i so sorry to tell I  am in the wrong side of love. The truth hurts. You love the person more that they love you!. I dont get mad easily but i choose to have my moment of silence when im sad. It breaks me every time. And i always walk away when i think im supposed to.  So far it works well with my personal life. And someday i will if my life goes haywire. I am definitely will just walk away. Start a new life. All over again.
Brand new day!

Deep thoughts, 

mizanmiranabila